NY Social Media Expert Kris Ruby was recently on RT America with NY Divorce Attorney James Sexton discussing how Social Media Can Impact Divorce Proceedings. Can Social Media Harm Your Marriage? Click here to watch the full segment.
Social Media Cheating Signs
The impact of social media on relationships
Many people do not realize the role social media can play in breaking up a relationship. There are so many ways to micro cheat on social media today, which can ultimately harm the relationship. Unfortunately, people do not see it as cheating because it is not technically cheating in the physical world. It is imperative to understand what “micro-cheating” is on social media.
What is micro-cheating?
Micro-cheating is a term to describe any individual action on social media that can hurt your partner’s sense of security in the relationship. The definition of micro-cheating on social media really depends on both partners in a relationship and what they feel comfortable with. For example, are you comfortable with your significant other:
• Liking photos of the opposite sex
• Leaving comments on photos from the opposite sex
• Tagging friends of the opposite sex
• Friending/following members of the opposite sex that they do not know
• Engaging in Direct Messaging on Facebook and Instagram with members of the opposite sex
• Deleting messages from members of the opposite sex that they receive on social media
• Appearing in tagged photos with members of the opposite sex one on one
If you do not outline your social media expectations in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Social Media has the ability to destroy your relationship if one person has very liberal views on these topics, while the other has very conservative views and isn’t comfortable with any of these areas listed above.
How Micro-Cheating Destroys Relationships
Social media can affect your relationship with your significant other by eroding trust and making one person feel uncomfortable if their boundaries are constantly crossed with what they feel is inappropriate digital communication. The only way to know this is to ask them and set up digital relationship rules. Yes, it may not be romantic and may feel like more of a legal approach, but it can ultimately save the relationship long term from hurt feelings and eroded trust and insecurity.
Social Media Cheating Red Flags
Social Media apps are a mixed bag when it comes to spotting a cheater. On the one hand, you used to be able to go through someone’s text messages and easily see if they were talking with someone else. But now, most cheaters are social media savvy and would never think of having these conversations via iMessage. Instead, they carry on full-blown conversations with others via direct message on Instagram or disappearing messages on Snapchat. They also typically have their phones locked and password protected, making it more challenging to spot.
Facebook Cheating Red Flags
Periodically check the Friend tab on Facebook for “recently added” friends. If your partner continues to add members of the opposite sex weekly, this could be a red flag. Where are they meeting these new virtual friends from? Networking? Dating apps? Also, be on the lookout for “Facebombing,” which is the equivalent of love bombing when you meet someone new. If your partner starts obsessively liking every single post of a new Facebook friend, this may indicate a deeper romantic interest. You can also search the Facebook tab for “photos liked by profile name.” Insert your partner’s profile name to see what photos they have liked if all of their activity is not coming to the top of your feed.
Snapchat Cheating Red Flags
Does your partner have a snap streak with someone that you have never heard of? This is a clear giveaway they may be cheating. Also, pay close attention to Snapchat points. Whenever you send a snap to someone, your points grow. If your partner doesn’t have that many friends on Snapchat and isn’t Snapping with you that much, they may be snapping with someone else.
Instagram Cheating Red Flags
The easiest way to tell if your partner is cheating is by looking at their user activity. Pay close attention to who they are following, the posts they like, and the comments they leave. If they continue to like photos of someone you have never heard of, that could be a giveaway they may be up to no good. Additionally, pay attention to who likes your partner’s photos and leaves comments when they post. Pay attention to whether or not they allow a photo tag on Instagram when you tag a photo with them. Partners who are cheating are usually very discreet and will not allow photo tags on Instagram because they don’t want the other person to see they are dating numerous people at once. Instagram DM (direct message) seems to be where everything is going down these days in terms of dating. If someone is cheating, they may be carrying a full conversation with the other person via Instagram DM so you may want to check there.
Another new feature of Instagram is the ability to see when someone was last active. So if your partner has turned off read receipts on iMessage, check Instagram DM and see when they were last active. If they are currently active on IG DM, they are most likely ignoring your messages and speaking with someone else…
Instagram Story Stalking
If you have access to your partners Instagram account, look at who is viewing their stories. If you notice the same person repeatedly viewing their stories, this is cause for concern. Also, pay close attention to who is viewing YOUR stories. The same person is probably stalking your every move and watching your Instagram stories. Periodically check the people who are viewing your stories to see if they are unfamiliar. Sure, everyone gets random Instagram viewers from time to time checking out their stories, but if you see the same unknown person stalking your Instagram stories for weeks, its suspicious.
Many ex-partners lurk on social media and do not realize users can see who watches their content.
For example, some ex’s watch your new partners Instagram story from their personal Instagram account not realizing the new girlfriend or boyfriend can see it. If you are going to engage in Story Stalking, create a burner account not linked to your name!
SOCIAL MEDIA CHEATING RESOURCES
Kris Ruby quoted in Elite Daily article on Social Media Story Stalking trend. “If your boyfriends parents watch your Instagram stories, Experts say thats significant.”
Kris Ruby quoted in Rewire article. “3 Ways Social Media May Be Hurting Your Love Life”
Ruby Media Group. “Are you digitally compatible? How social media destroys relationships”
Observer article by Kris Ruby. “10 Dead Digital Giveaways You’re Dating a Player”